Living Is Easy With Eyes Closed
by TonySnark729
Summary: Coming home from a war is never easy. It's those that you come home to though that can make re-entry tolerable, to say the least. Especially when one of those people is Jude.


Chapter One: Home

. . .

"We've been through this at least a dozen times, Jojo! We ain't ever gonna come to an agreement…"

Max lifted his eyes to his closed door as he took a drag off a cigarette, listening to Jojo and Sadie argue about who should sing what part at their next gig. He exhaled through his nose before he laid down on his back and looked over at the far wall.

Jude's drawings were plastered wherever there was room; Max made sure of that. It made him feel not so alone when he was alone. Jude was still around but he and Lucy seemed to just do their own thing most of the time, only coming back here when they were out of money or when they wanted to see him.

He took another drag just as he heard a soft, almost timid knock at the door and exhaled before he spoke. "Yeah, it's open…"

He watched the door open and smirked to himself as Prudence came in, joint between her fingers. She closed the door and just about skipped over to where Max lay on the bed. He moved over to make room for her, as seemed to be their daily routine, and she plopped herself down easily next to him, also laying on her back.

"Seems like the real war's out there, doesn't it?" He asked her, chuckling throatily.

She glanced over at him and took his cigarette from between his calloused fingers and exchanged it with the joint before putting it out.

He sighed and took a small toke from it before he handed it back to her.

"Why do you smoke cigarettes? They taste horrible, Max," she declared before she took a decent toke. She offered it to him again but he shook his hand in rejection.

"I can relax with them too, Pru. They help when I feel nauseous. Pot doesn't help seem to help me."

She scrunched up her face in disgust playfully before she set the joint in an ashtray before she rolled over onto her side to face him. "You'd think it would help with your insomnia. It helps me sleep."

Max chuckled and rolled over to face her, propping his head up with his arm.

"Yeah, well, that's you. Not all of us can be as lucky."

She smiled softly and shrugged. "You're lucky to be still be alive," she offered. "I don't know if Jude would have been able to survive what you did."

He thought about this and fought against taking another cigarette out. "I didn't think I'd make it, though. Jude's stronger than me. I think after basic training, he'd be able to make it through it too. You don't give him enough credit, Pru."

She smiled thoughtfully and then nodded. After a bit, her smile faded and she searched his eyes that had dark circles under them. "Why do you still have them, Max? The war is over. You should take them off."

It took him awhile to think of what she meant.

His dog tags. He hadn't taken them off since he came back home from the Walter Reed Army Hospital. They felt like they were just a part of him that he simply forgot he was wearing them half the time. Like the tags had somehow welded with his own flesh and became part of his body.

He was still smirking at her but the playfulness stopped reaching his eyes now. He sighed tiredly and shook his head. "The war isn't over, Prudence. I'm still living through it… in here," he said, tapping his temple.

She looked at Max with pity in her eyes and looked like she wanted to argue but instead, she wrapped her arms around Max's neck and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her too, breathing her in.

This was a familiar routine between the two of them since he had come back from Vietnam. She would see the sadness that lay behind his eyes and she would hug him, and he would return the hug. It never went further than that, though. It just felt good to hug people.

He would much prefer to hug Jude but Max would take whoever he could get. The feeling was still nice, whoever it was. He hated seeing the pity in their eyes every time but he made a point to ignore it eventually and just embrace the person.

"Love you, Max."

He took a deep breath and relaxed against her. "Love you more, Pru."

Just then, there was a gentle rap at the door but the two of them didn't move. Max glanced over and saw Sadie smiling apologetically.

"Sorry, kids. Don't mean to break up this moment but supper's on the table if you're hungry." She winked at Max before walking out of his room.

"Are you going to come eat with us this time?" Prudence asked softly.

It was rare when Max decided to eat with everyone who was home at the time at the table, either lying in bed feeling nauseous, or feeling too freaked out from the nightmares. He ran his fingers through Prudence's dark hair and planted a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"I suppose I can make an appearance," he chuckled, the playfulness reaching his eyes once again as he untangled their arms from each other and stood up before helping her up as well.

She smiled brightly and then ran out the room and down the hall towards their communal kitchen. Max smiled to himself, hearing her excited voice telling other people about his arrival. When he walked in and opened the fridge to grab a beer before he sat down, he was greeted with friendly smiles all around.

"Good to see you out of that room, man," Jojo nodded as he sat down across from him, raising his own bottle of beer to the vet.

Max tipped his own bottle and nodded in thanks before he took a sip.

"So glad to see that you're feeling better to grace us with your presence, Maxwell," Sadie chuckled as she grabbed his plate and scooped some lasagna onto his plate before setting it back down in front of him.

Max looked at the pile of delicious smelling food and nodded gratefully at her. "I appreciate you feeding me, Sexy Sadie."

Jojo chuckled and shook his head as he started to delve into his own food.

Prudence dished up her own plate and sat down on Max's one side, leaving an empty seat beside him as Sadie sat down between Prudence and Jojo.

"If I didn't feed you, you'd turn into a skeleton. At this point, I'm starting to even question if you can bake at all," she laughed teasingly.

Max also laughed as he poked at his food, his nausea still present. "I'll be honest, my mother was the one who could bake, but I can make mean peanut butter cookies if given the chance."

"That would be a nice treat. You're welcome to use the kitchen whenever you feel like making them for us, Max."

He nodded appreciatively and looked back at his food, swallowing hard, conflict in his eyes. He cleared his throat and excused himself before he hurried towards the bathroom and closed the door.

No sooner had he made it inside did he fall in front of the porcelain and start to empty his already empty stomach. Things had been this way since he came home; there was no medical reason for him to feel nauseous like this. It was the places his mind went, though.

Without even trying, he would start thinking about all the people he killed back in Vietnam, the enemy as well as the innocent ones he had been ordered to open fire on. He had secretly cried for days after killing the innocent ones, thought about going AWOL at least a few hundred dozen times while he was there, but then thought about Lucy and Jude and the rest of his friends back home, and figured he didn't want to end up in jail.

He wretched again but bile just came up. He spit into the toilet and flushed before he walked over to the sink and splashed water on his face.

The door suddenly opened and he was surprised to see Jude standing in the doorway. He straightened up and forced him into a hug. He only relaxed when Jude hugged him back with just as much ferocity.

"Jude Feeny, as I live and breathe. Nice of you to come back, man." Max gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder before he forced himself to back off of him.

The Englishman chuckled and leaned against the doorway, his eyes full of concern. "Still nauseous, then?"

Max sighed, nodding. "It's all right. It's just all in my head. There's no cure for crazy, as they say."

Jude's eyes still held sympathy as well as a touch of sadness. It was his turn now to pull Max into another hug but this one lingered longer, and it seemed to mean more than just feeling good to see him again. It was _deeper._

"Lucy with you?" Max murmured into his shoulder, breathing in Jude's scent of cigarette smoke, the salty sea, charcoal, and musk.

The other man gently caressed the base of Max's neck. "She's back home with your mum. She said she wasn't ready to come back here yet, but she will soon."

Max swallowed hard. He knew that that was because of him. Lucy had stayed here with him after he came back and she basically took care of him in his worst of weeks. It was hard for him to fall back into normal civilian life. He woke up in the middle of the night and early morning with nightmares, his paranoia was at an all-time high, and his first days back, he was nearly dangerous to be around.

He had almost hurt his own sister one late night, his brain having made him believe she was the enemy trying to sneak up on him and take him out. Max had to talk him down of releasing her and when he finally did, she was crying and looked at him with horrified eyes.

 _Who was this monster?_

"I'm starving. Do you want to sit next to me and talk while I eat some of Sadie's amazing lasagna?"

Max was grateful for the way his friend had worded that. No judgement, no trying to force him to eat anything. He nodded and took a deep breath before Jude let go of him and then wrapped an arm around his shoulders before leading him back out to the kitchen.

Jude was finally back home and all was right with the world.


End file.
